Thursday, December 8, 2011

My songs don't sparkle

Seems like everything I write lacks an upbeat vibe, or at the least couldn’t ever make it as a radio single, not that’s what I’d ever strive to do. Most of my songs have a common theme, or thought that connects them, the same that dominates my mind all hours of the day. I doubt a lot. Never been one to do things because they were the thing to do, or because of how others perceived them. I guess it comes down to the futility of everything, but it’s so much more than that. Ritual, tradition, habit, custom, it’s all bullshit. So much is done through out the day without any thought at all being put into it, the hello and goodbye interactions with people, the routine of a job, generic reactions to similar situations, it all reeks of bullshit. Little of this is sincere. It’s preformed in a mechanical way, doing it just because it’s the way things are, or because you were told it’s how to interact. The origins of many of these things are unknown to their users, or just flat out ignored. Some is also explained away as just being the polite thing to do. It’s all become meaningless. You see a person and say hello, someone sneezes and you say bless you, you celebrate this holiday on this day because the dead people before you did it, your mom made the sandwich this way, so you do it to. These all may seem trivial, but when added up, it forms a giant ball of bullshit. People like to claim individuality, but most are built on a foundation of their parent’s or some other god-like figure’s ideals that they never question. One can try and say that everything comes from something else, and all you really are is a collection of someone else’s ideas put together, but it’s why those ideas are put together, and what motivations formed them. I wish this was something I could let go, but I find it too hard to look past. If the general foundation of everyone is an amalgamation of their parent’s (or whatever the hell else influenced them) thoughts, then who is that person really? I find myself desperately searching for an escape, either from them or from myself. It really sounds so petty as I look this over, and I don’t expect anyone to understand it from my words alone, but it’s enough to eat at you, really drive you mad, if you open your eyes to it. The worst of it all is that I don’t have an answer, and don’t expect to find one. This isn’t something that can be fixed, other than within me. I like to hope the more I write and rap, the closer I’ll get to some sort of inner peace. Enlightenment and happiness don’t walk hand in hand. Thinking I picked the wrong one to go after first. Whatever, enjoy the songs, or don’t, but that’s one of the places they come from.

Adam

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