I like to hide behind this façade that I don’t give a shit. I think it’s because in reality I actually care too much, and I use that as a safe guard for when things fall apart. Too much passion, and at times, it seems like for all the wrong things, and possibly, the wrong reasons. For as much as I try to rise above it, I find it does me no good. Letting go doesn’t mean it’s not there anymore. Embracing this I don’t give a fuck attitude is only making it more real, easier to shut off and tune out, easier to detach. I wonder if once it takes hold I won’t be able to change it. It’s arguable if I get good songs out of it. People only wanna hear shit like that so much, and it’s not easy to write anything else when that’s where your head is. But then, how else are you supposed to look at things these days? We’re definitely facing a no-future type scenario. So much is in question, and things appear to be getting bleaker by the day. I’m not an end times kind of guy, that stuff is just ridiculous, but we’re slowly strangling ourselves, that much is for sure. So with all that going on, I should write some party rap or club bullshit? I know that’s not my only alternative, but as Rome falls, any other subject seems trivial. I struggle between a me that wants to inform people, and the me that wants to watch it fall apart. People go to shows and listen to music to escape from the stress of every day, and you’re sure as hell not going to do that while listening to me. So do I embrace this madness, let it pull me in, and see where it takes me, or do I fight it, so maybe I can write the next Billboard Top 100 single? Seems like an easy answer, yet I struggle. Call it what you will, but at the end of the day, we're a rap band. Joe and I rap. Put any genre behind us, and we're still rapping. You can add any cute little adjective you want, but as long as that's what we're doing, there's no other way to look at it. But to me that's the cool thing about rap music. The common things that bind it are the lyrics and mc, but beyond that, the sky is limit. Drop a drum beat over it and you can rap over any kind of music. So while at times the label it's self may be a hindrance, and new words are sought to mask the underlying truth, rap shouldn’t be as broadly judged as other styles of music, because it embraces all styles. I think our band is a great example of that. From the heavier shit, to blues and classical, a little pop influence, and straight up hip hop, we've got a pretty good blend of different sounds. We'll always have to deal with the stereotypes of rap in general. Almost anything mainstream paints it in a negative light. There also seems to still be an inordinate amount of people who smirk at the white rapper thing. I guess anyone who does anything has that kind if shit to deal with. From here on out I'm going to embrace the title, and shun the naysayers. I've always hated the overwhelming majority of my peers in anything I've been involved with, why should this be any different. I know I'm not the first with this thought, and I know it's a losing battle, but I will destroy the definition and perception of my chosen genre from within. Twist and warp it until it barely resembles what it was when it started. I'll only write for myself and no other reason, no motive of any sort will cloud my vision. I see no other way to remain unscathed as I do this. This isn't some oath of purity bullshit. I don't know what it is. I just know that anything else isn't real. CD release party is a week away. Make sure you all show up that are able to, and don't hold any of this against me.
Adam
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